Unisys is sorry…
Well it seems, Unisys is sorry. Really sorry for inventing the UNIVAC 1 in 1951. The full press release can be found here:
http://biz.yahoo.com/bw/010614/2170.html
_Specifically, Unisys apologized for:
Making it impossible for anyone to do more than five minutes’ worth of work without being interrupted by an emailed joke, Top Ten list, or chain letter.
[…]
Relegating to obscurity the smell of fresh-cut flowers because the only flowers you ever get to smell nowadays are the ones you see in online pictures when you’re ordering them to appease an irate spouse, who’s feeling neglected because you’re spending every spare minute online.
[…]
Ending that great morning tradition of newspaper and coffee, because by the time your coffee is hot, the ``news’ in your newspaper is already two generations behind the online edition.
[…]
Getting you so used to receiving responses in nanoseconds that you can no longer wait the ten seconds it takes for your microwave oven to warm up your bagel.
Making it impossible for you to justify that trip to a training workshop in Cancun because all the training you’ll need is now available on your desktop.
Making it possible for you to vacation in Cancun without ever losing touch with your boss back at the office.
Forcing you to go through a five-minute startup routine every time your computer crashes while you’re creating a three-minute memo.
[ WE NEED A NEW VERSION OF BEOS DAMN IT! ]
Giving SPAM a bad name.
[…]
Making it easier for the IRS to spot discrepancies between your tax return and objective reality.
Reducing your life and everything in it to a series of counterintuitive acronyms.
Giving you a false sense of security regarding the spelling and grammatical accuracy of your next memo.
Increasing your volume of in-mail to the point where you have to devote significant time outside of regular working hours to get through it all.
Eliminating the concept of regular working hours.
Providing you with the means to lose money in the stock market at an unprecedented pace.
The half-dozen keystrokes you need to press for the privilege of being put on hold.
All those Monday morning deadlines you didn’t know about because they were emailed to your laptop at 10:00 p.m. on Sunday.
All those theater tickets you can no longer buy at the door because every seat has already been sold online.
The dot.com bubble.
The bursting of the dot.com bubble.
The concept of multitasking.
The avalanche of press releases that any company with a media directory and access to email can now generate at a moment’s notice._